Much has been said about when and where a person can or cannot wear a kaftan. Some confine their kaftans to the home (when I am at home, I am nearly always in a kaftan). Others wear their kaftans to formal events, à la Meghan Markle and her Dior kaftan. A scan of our website will tell you that we think that kaftans are great for a variety of occasions, but we also think you'll get a ton of joy out of them even if they never see the world outside of your house. I'm not here to tell you what to do.
That being said, I've come up with a list of occasions when you probably want to reconsider* that urge to don your effortlessly chic, cozy kaftan.
1. When You're Hiking / Rock Climbing
Are you planning to be on a mountain? Are you planning on doing some physical activity to get up there? You'll be safer doing so in pants or athletic leggings. Save your kaftan for your post-hike / post-climb recovery time.
2. When You're Biking
We've all seen ads with girls in mini-skirts laughing as they ride down the boardwalk on their bicycles. They look like they're having a great time! But the aerodynamics elude me -- how do they keep the skirt down in front? For long kaftans, I have no idea where the fabric would go. My bike-commuting friends in Colorado could probably explain to me how to make it work, but it all sounds like a lot of effort so I'd avoid the situation all together.
3. When You Decide That It's Finally Time to Go Skydiving
Speaking of aerodynamics, don't wear a kaftan skydiving! Skydiving is something I've never done and I have no interest in ever doing, but it seems like you would be better off with clothing with legs so you can get all snug in your skydiving jumpsuit. Safety first!
Yes, I did consider a kaftan's use as a wingsuit in a cool spy-movie scenario or an extremely stylish Red Bull video, but it's not something I can legally promote.
4. On Moving Day
Don't mess up your favorite outfit on moving day! Throw on your scrubbiest clothes and when you're all moved in, rinse off and relax in your kaftan with a celebratory glass of bubbly.
5. At the Gym
Excess fabric's generally a nuisance at the gym, whether you're pumping iron or getting your flow on in Vinyasa. While I love the kaftan's dramatic sleeves, I also like to look at my biceps when I lift weights. So when it comes to the gym, get strong, snap a swellfie and maybe throw a kaftan on over your athletic leggings on your way to get your smoothie after gym class.
6. When You Just KNOW That a Keg Stand Is in your Immediate Future
Do the youths do keg stands anymore? No one wants their kaftan to come up over their head as they're impressing everyone with their beer-gulping acrobatics. So if for some reason you're going to a party and you think you're going to be compelled to do a keg stand, you may want to wear pants. I'm getting nauseous just thinking about this, so I'm going to move on.
7. When You're Ready to Take the Plunge and Go Ice Fishing
Say "no" to frostbite and wear whatever tactical gear you need for ice fishing, which I assume would not include a kaftan. Also, the images I was searching for this section reminded me of The Thing. Don't wear a kaftan if you're at a remote scientist outpost in Antartica and you're being stalked by an alien life force!
8. When You've Got Beekeeping Duty
I love bees almost as much as I love kaftans. Even I can admit that kaftans are not the best thing to wear when visiting a hive full of your bee friends. First of all, what if a bee tries to pollinate your beautiful 'Sundaze' kaftan?! Secondly, I assume that you want your arms and legs mostly covered and inaccessible to bees, which a kaftan won't provide. You can, however, enjoy your (locally-sourced) honey in a cup of tea while wearing a kaftan later on.
An actual photo of me being both terrified by and in love with bees. I just read a few days ago that bee don't like it when you wear dark colors because it makes you look like a bear! BEE careful!
9. When You Take Up Boxing or Dressage
Are these two activities related? No. But they made the list for the same reason: all of a kaftan's luxurious fabric will just get in the way, unfortunately.
10. When You're Pulling Off a Heist
Honestly, I just wanted to work a Fast and Furious reference into this post. Michelle Rodriguez can do anything in a dress and heels, but for heist hijinks, I recommend attire that's got a better range of motion and is inconspicuous. You don't want to get caught because your fabulous fashion sense makes you stand out, do you?? Stick to tank tops and a good pair of pants for the heist itself. Then change into your kaftan after the heist is done and before the Corona toast to "family".
Ah yes, everyone's favorite post-heist beverage! Copyright Universal Pictures, 2013.
So, mostly this is a list of activities that require you to be active. Kaftans are for relaxing at home (yours or a friend's) or casually, effortlessly looking comfortable and chic. I hope this clears up any #kaftanconfusion you may have had and encourages you to buy our new t-shirt, for those time when you can't wear a kaftan.
Let EVERYONE know how you feel on those rare occasions when you have to wear pants.
* I know that there are women (and men) who will prove me wrong by doing these activities and other amazing things in kaftans and other dress-like garments.
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Cover photo by Lucas Wesney on Unsplash.